Chief Keef

the only thing I eat these days is coffee
and it’s so sad for so many reasons which I won’t plague you with.
but, I do love coffee, anyway.

one reason i hate psychology 

is because i am constantly realizing what a pathetic piece of shit i am

tonight was perfect. until i lost my bowl piece, somewhere in the midst of transport, and well, without that it’s other have really does me no good at all does it? and that’s sad in and of itself… but now my computer has eleven percent and my phone is somewhere i don’t know where. eight percent now. seven. i have nothing. ok, six.. to say. five. bye. 

my roommate loves watching law and order and i fucking hate it,  it is so overdramatized and she’ll be like omg what if that happened to you and i’m like… it wouldn’t, it’s fucking tv. I’m never gonna accidentally kill my dad, like that doesn’t just happen. at least it’s not big tips texas… ugh. i can’t wait till i can have my own studio in berlin. then i’ll be happy. hopefully. 

sylvia plath had depression

you don’t say

the old lady who lives next door is yelling again

it’s just so hard to see the people around you happy

when you would die to be that

i just don’t understand how this happened to me

i did this to myself i know

nobody listens

i make a fool of myself

i got good at substance

i just want someone

just one person

to feel something with

i want to disappear for a while 

with a couple of sticks

and a couple of stones

i’ll dig a pit

and lay my bones

how do i wake up sad

i haven’t even given the world time to shit on me yet

and for all the people in my life who have abandoned me

fuck you

you did this to me too

and my cat’s fucking missing

god must hate me

i think its because i miss who i used to be

when i could believe in happiness

of course i never realized it then

that i was going to miss who i was

who i wasn’t

i was too busy thinking about everything that was wrong

and now i just wish i could find something right

is this what i was in for that whole time

when i was reading sad books and listening to sad music

and not being sad

was it just waiting for the unsuspected pounce

was i being realistic

did i do this to myself?

i kind of think i did this to myself

but then again is that a symptom

i don’t care how it found me

i just want it to go away

and i don’t know how to help myself feel better anymore

no wonder i’m so bitter

//////

so i found out that i’m depressed

but now i think I’m depressed because I’m depressed

i never thought of myself as depressed

i can’t believe it

yet i have to

cause everyday is hell

so i feel it

but i can’t comprehend it